Article

Neurodiversity’s White Belly: Why Masking Isn't Always the Enemy

A neurodivergent perspective on camouflage, survival, and finding your authentic selfA neurodivergent perspective on camouflage, survival, and finding your authentic self

I was out for a run recently, listening to the brilliant podcast Ologies (seriously, if you haven't discovered it yet, you're in for a treat), when something stopped me in my tracks. The episode was about agnotology—the science of ignorance—and the guest mentioned something fascinating about predator and prey responses.

When we're predators, we develop tunnel vision and ultra-focus on our target. But when we're prey? We develop hypervigilance and physiological traits to camouflage ourselves. Nothing new here but the example that got me was the deer's white underbelly - it eliminates her shadow, making her less likely to be spotted by predators.

And suddenly, my neurodivergent brain went: "Oh wait a sec, that's… masking."

The Survival Instinct We Never Chose

Here's the thing about masking that I think we need to talk about more openly: we didn't choose it originally. Just like that deer didn't consciously decide to evolve a white belly, most of us didn't wake up one day and think, "You know what? I'll just pretend to be someone else for the rest of my life."

Masking is an automatism - a survival response that kicks in when our nervous system detects we're in "prey mode." When the world around us signals that our natural neurodivergent traits are somehow wrong, dangerous, or unwelcome, our brains do what brains do best: they adapt to keep us safe.

For many of us, masking started so early we can barely remember who we were before we learned to camouflage our:

• Stimming behaviors

• Intense interests

• Need for routine

• Sensory sensitivities

• Different communication styles

• Emotional processing patterns

We learned to hide our neurospicy shadows because, frankly, the world wasn't safe for authentic neurodiverse expression.

The Nuance Worth Talking About

Now, before you start wondering if I've lost the plot here, let me be clear: of course, we deserve to be authentic. Of course, we have the right to exist as we are, stim freely, pursue our special interests with passion, and communicate in ways that feel natural to us.

But here's the nuance that's often missing from the "just unmask!" conversation: sometimes masking is a necessary bridge to authenticity, not its enemy.

Think about it this way - if you're completely depleted from constant rejection, bullying, or misunderstanding, do you really have the emotional energy to explore who you truly are? If you're in survival mode 24/7, when exactly are you supposed to do this deep work of self-discovery?

Sometimes, strategic masking can:

Reduce immediate stress so you can function
Buy you time to find your people
Preserve energy for the battles that really matter
Keep you employed while you build financial stability
Maintain relationships while you slowly educate people around you

The key word here is strategic - conscious, temporary, self-preserving masking rather than the automatic, exhausting, identity-erasing kind.

The Path From Camouflage to Authenticity

I'm not advocating for a lifetime of masking - God knows, that's exhausting and soul-crushing. But I am suggesting that the journey from unconscious masking to authentic living isn't always a straight line, and that's okay.

For many of us, the path might look something like this:

Stage 1: Unconscious Masking - We don't even know we're doing it. We just know something feels "off" but can't quite put our finger on it.

Stage 2: Awareness - We start to recognize our masking behaviours, often feeling angry or grief about all the years we spent hiding.

Stage 3: Strategic Masking - We begin to choose when and where to mask, using it as a tool rather than a prison.

Stage 4: Safe Spaces - We start finding environments and people where we can drop the mask more often.

Stage 5: Authentic Living - We spend more time unmasked than masked, having built a life that accommodates our neurotype.

Finding Your Herd

Here's what struck me about that deer metaphor: prey animals don't just camouflage - they also find herds. Safety in numbers. Protection through community.

The beautiful thing about the neurodivergent community is that we're building these herds everywhere - online spaces, support groups, workplaces, friend groups where we can slowly start showing our true colours.

And when you find your herd? That's when the magic happens. When you're surrounded by people who get your:

· Late-night hyperfocus sessions (like realizing it's 3am because you've been perfecting that one PowerPoint slide for 6 hours)

· Need to info-dump about your latest obsession (whether it's the evolutionary benefits of penguin pebbles or why sourdough starters are basically pets)

· Emotional intensity (crying at cat videos but also getting genuinely upset when someone loads the dishwasher "wrong")

· Sensory quirks (needing to cut all the tags out of your clothes because they're essentially tiny torture devices)

Suddenly, masking becomes less necessary. Not because the world has magically become safer, but because you've created pockets of safety within it.

A Gentler Approach to Unmasking

So, if you're reading this and feeling guilty about masking, or frustrated that you can't just "be yourself" all the time, please be kind to yourself. Your nervous system learned to camouflage for good reasons. That deer's white belly isn't a character flaw - it's a brilliant evolutionary adaptation.

The goal isn't to shame ourselves out of masking overnight. The goal is to:

Recognize when we're masking and why
Make conscious choices about when it serves us
Build safe spaces where we can practice authenticity
Find our people who celebrate our neurospicy selves
Gradually expand those zones of authenticity

Remember: you're not broken for masking, and you're not weak for needing time to unmask. You're a beautifully adapted human being who learned to survive in a world that wasn't built for your neurotype.

And honestly? That's pretty remarkable.

If you're on your own journey from masking to authenticity and could use some support, I'd love to chat. As a fellow neurospicy human who's walked this path, I get how complex and sometimes contradictory this process can be. Book a free discovery call and let's explore what authenticity might look like for your unique brain.

Not sure if you want to have a diagnosis? Here's an article that explores that in-between space: Living in Diagnosis Limbo: The In-Between Space

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