Understanding Black and White Thinking: A Guide for Beautiful, Different Minds

The path out of black and white thinking isn't about forcing yourself to "think differently" overnight or performing some sort of personality transplant. This is about gentle, sustainable change that honours both your growth and your healing journey—and hopefully involves fewer moments of declaring yourself a complete failure because you burned toast.

Be Kind. Be Curious. This isn't just a motto for me—it's a way of approaching yourself and your mind with the compassion you deserve, even when your brain is being particularly theatrical.

Start with Safety First (Yes, Even From Your Own Brain)

Black and white thinking often reflects how someone is trying to make sense of the world, especially when that world feels like it was designed by people who've never experienced sensory overload or executive dysfunction. Before working on thinking patterns, ensure you have:

• Safe people who understand that when you say "I'm fine," it might mean anything from "genuinely okay" to "currently questioning every life choice I've ever made"
• Predictable routines where possible (because neurospicy brains often love structure like plants love sunlight)
• Strategies for managing sensory and emotional overwhelm that don't involve hiding in bathroom stalls
• Understanding of what actually recharges your nervous system

Take Baby Steps (Your Brain Will Thank You, Eventually)

Rather than trying to eliminate black and white thinking entirely—which would be a bit like trying to eliminate your personality—start small and work with your neurodivergent strengths:

Use Visual Tools (Because Sometimes Our Brains Need Pictures):

Many neurodivergent people benefit from seeing things broken down visually. Try:

• Number scales (1-10 instead of "complete disaster" or "absolute perfection")
• Colour codes (red = today's a bit rubbish, orange = mixed bag, green = surprisingly not terrible)
• Drawing or mapping out situations (yes, even if your artistic skills peaked in primary school)

Notice Your Language (The Words That Give Away Your Brain's Drama Department):

Pay attention to words like "always," "never," "completely," "should," and "totally." These are your brain's equivalent of theatrical stage directions. When you catch them, pause and ask, "Is there possibly, maybe, perhaps another way to see this?"

Ask "What Else?" with Genuine Curiosity:

When something goes wrong, gently ask, "How else could this have happened? What else might be true here?" Don't rush this—many neurospicy minds need time to process, and that's perfectly reasonable.

Reframe the Narrative and Challenge the Slippery Slope

Here's where things get interesting. Your brain loves a good slippery slope, and it works in both directions. Sometimes one small thing goes wrong and suddenly it's constructing an elaborate narrative about how this proves everything is terrible and always will be. But just as often, it works in reverse—you don't even try something because your brain has already fast-forwarded through the entire failure sequence: "If I apply for that job, I'll probably mess up the interview, they'll see I'm not qualified, I'll get rejected, and that will prove I'm unemployable forever."

When you catch yourself thinking "I spilled coffee, therefore I'm useless" OR "I shouldn't even bother with this project because I'll just mess it up anyway," pause and ask: "Wait, am I tumbling down a slippery slope here?"

Challenge each step of that mental domino effect, whether it's happening after a mistake or before you've even tried.

Here's the thing: these slippery slopes often have their roots in old "evidence"—past voices that told you "you're lazy," "it never works," "you always mess up," or "you can't stick to anything." Your brain has filed these away as universal truths and now uses them as building blocks for its catastrophic predictions OR its preemptive surrender strategies.

But here's what your brain conveniently forgets: you're never exactly the same person you were yesterday, let alone years ago. This is absolute candy for pattern-seeking brains, but those patterns deserve to be questioned.

To break free, get genuinely curious: "Can I do this differently this time? What have I got now that would support my goals? What am I missing that I could learn or ask for help with? What's actually different about me or my situation now compared to then?"

Remember that a bad moment doesn't equal a bad day, one mistake doesn't define your worth, and not trying something doesn't actually protect you from disappointment—it just guarantees you'll miss out on potential success. Your brain might be very convincing when it's building these elaborate catastrophe chains or preemptive failure scenarios based on old stories, but you don't have to buy what it's selling.

Work with Your Neurospicy Brain, Not Against It

For those with ADHD, there's a crucial distinction to make here. This isn't about "taking it slow" in the traditional sense—many ADHDers (especially those with some PDA sprinkles) would rather eat their own shoelaces than be told to slow down. Instead, it's about giving it your full intensity but stopping often to evaluate, so your efforts are truly rewarded by progress rather than the spectacular burnout that comes from running full speed into a wall you didn't notice was there.

Many neurospicy people benefit from regular breaks and techniques like the Pomodoro method—intense focus periods followed by brief rest periods. This allows you to maintain your natural intensity (because telling an ADHD or autistic brain to "be less intense" is like asking the ocean to be less wet) while preventing the overwhelm that leads to black and white thinking. Think of it as interval training for your brain, but with less sweating and more coffee breaks.

Remember, this isn't about becoming a different person or "fixing" yourself (you're not a broken appliance, despite what unhelpful people might have suggested). It's about understanding what truly works for your unique mind, rather than what you've been told should work by people who clearly haven't spent time in your particular corner of the neurodivergent experience.

Be Kind, Be Curious in Your Process (And Laugh When Possible)

As you practice seeing more grey areas:

• Be Kind: Treat yourself with the same compassion you'd show your best friend who just called you sobbing because they convinced themselves that using the wrong emoji in a text means everyone hates them
• Be Curious: Instead of judging your black and white thoughts as "wrong," get curious about what they're protecting you from. What are they trying to tell you? (Besides "the world is scary and coffee stains are apparently very serious business")
• Go at Your Own Pace: Many neurodivergent people need time to process. Honour your natural rhythms, even if they don't match the world's expectations

These conversations and thinking shifts take time, and that's completely normal. It takes persistence and patience to practice new thinking patterns, especially when the old ones have been your loyal (if slightly overdramatic) companions for so long.